How to Speak Startup

Sometimes the lingo that startup CEOs throw around can get confusing, Techcrunch has a humourous glossary to help you navigate the world of startups and Silicon Valley.

Acqui-hire – A strategy for acquiring talent pioneered by Google in the mid-2000s that happens when a bigger company thinks your team is good but your idea is hilariously bad. Also called a “signing bonus.”

Failure – A bad thing that the Silly Valley has recently put on a pedestal as something to be celebrated.

Cashflow Positive – Someone gave us a dollar.

Pivot – What happens when a company realizes its course of action is not living up to expectations. The classic historic example is The Point, which became Groupon after the company posted a coupon to a pizza place in The Point’s building in Chicago. (See also, Failure.)

SaaS — It loses money.

Pre-Money Valuation – A number you made up.

Post-Money Valuation – A number that you made up alongside your VC with the addition of some cash. Your burn rate is probably too high.”

For the full list, head on over to the article at Techcrunch.


Humans that sound like robots or robots that sound like humans

"More Human Than Human"

Blade Runner – “More Human Than Human”

Sometimes I have a hard time telling if humans that sound like robots or robots that sound like humans are running the tech support for some companies. I feel like I’m doing a Turing Test each time I engage with their tech support. Is it rude that in many instances I’ve asked if I was talking to a robot or if this was a real human?

I have to type out my questions in the most simplified, succinct and direct way to try to get my point across.  Even then, you’ll sometimes get irrelevant copy and pasted answers that don’t fully answer or address your original query. Chances are, if I’m reaching out to tech support, I’ve already tried googling a response and thus your FAQ-esque answer probably doesn’t resolve my issue (even if it matched the query your answer is addressing; which in this case isn’t my problem).

It is hard being lazy.